1. Meredith Baxter, 1980s sitcom mom and former Lifetime Channel star, has revealed that she is a lesbian. I think after 500 Lifetime movies about abusive husbands, Baxter just decided to spice things up with a new type of domestic partner.
2. The government of Madagascar has released a comic book to explain the nation’s constitution. Now, you might be wondering why Madagascar has a system so much more mature than our use of news pundits....
3. A new House bill lets the feds take over any financial firm whose failure is a risk to the nation’s stability. Which means if Warren Buffet goes into a coma, no one will be pulling the plug.
4. The woman who bragged to US Magazine about an affair with Tiger Woods said: “I hope Tiger and I can remain good friends.” So now we know two things about her – she had an affair with Woods and she’s batshit crazy.
5. A new study shows that men have a gene that lets them grow bigger bodies than women, but at the expense of shorter lifespans. But you know, I went to the Playboy Mansion, and I think it’s not just men getting this gene.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
12/1
1. The leader of a spam e-mail group has been fined $15 million. As part of the punishment, he received the news one dollar at a time via 15 million separate e-mails. Fortunately, he found a woman in Nigeria who will give him the money if he just sends a bank transfer fee. He was described as the leader of a “spam gang”. Not to be confused with a recent sex scandal at Spam headquarters, which was a “Spam gang bang”. Spam gangs are probably the least scary gangs of all time. Like they say: “Don’t bring spam to a gun fight.”
2. A new study says that loneliness can be contagious. So if you don’t want to catch it – stay away from people.
3. South Africa wants to sacrifice a cow to bless the World Cup soccer tournament. But animal rights activists want to stop it, because this would be the first cow in the world killed by humans since about 3 seconds earlier.
4. Many people are questioning whether to have dangerous shows at malls, after an accident at an acrobat show in California. Excuse me, but these are the same malls that promote Black Friday sales. Worrying about a death-defying acrobat show after Black Friday is like not showing a massage chair to earthquake survivors.
5. Bank of America is sending customers a one-page sheet with clear explanations of all its credit cards. BofA says it’s doing this to keep customers informed and improve financial literacy. Yes, and criminals plea bargain because they just feel so bad about what they did.
2. A new study says that loneliness can be contagious. So if you don’t want to catch it – stay away from people.
3. South Africa wants to sacrifice a cow to bless the World Cup soccer tournament. But animal rights activists want to stop it, because this would be the first cow in the world killed by humans since about 3 seconds earlier.
4. Many people are questioning whether to have dangerous shows at malls, after an accident at an acrobat show in California. Excuse me, but these are the same malls that promote Black Friday sales. Worrying about a death-defying acrobat show after Black Friday is like not showing a massage chair to earthquake survivors.
5. Bank of America is sending customers a one-page sheet with clear explanations of all its credit cards. BofA says it’s doing this to keep customers informed and improve financial literacy. Yes, and criminals plea bargain because they just feel so bad about what they did.
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